I am before the end going to not die and do all the things I've said.  Writing down the things I've saved and singing the songs I've gritted my teeth through not giving up on.   And not giving up means a lot of things when faced with ugliness and despair and grief and anger and pain and relief that maybe I'm not the only one going through it...  so I shoo it away -the feeling of urgency as if it were no emergency - the need to get it all down because these issues are far more important until the day comes before the end when I say I am ....  only asking for one more day and He says "I'm sorry you can not stay."  And I watch it all melt away. And so today...  while there's still time to pray...  I am before the end only asking for one more day.  To really do it.